When Najid was told that he could have the princess’ hand in marriage if he retrieved the eye of Mahaz from the cave of the treasure of Pukhraaj, he thought he was being sent to steal a giant emerald or ruby of some kind.  He didn’t know that “the eye” was the actual, singular eye of a giant, four-armed cyclops named Mahaz.

As Najid slowly entered the cave with his sword held aloft, he wondered if the Sultan intended the promise of his daughter’s hand to be just as literal.

Everyday at 8:00 AM Jonathan Newbin shows up to work.  He processes unpaid back tax reports for KL&P Financial.  At noon he eats his lunch in the third floor lunch room.  (It’s the quietest one.)  At five o’clock he leaves for home.

Jonathan Newbin is a good employee.  Jonathan Newbin loves what he does.  The only thing Jonathan Newbin hates about his job is the commute.  It’s killer.

3rd Avenue is simply jam packed with zombies nowadays, and forget about crossing the Hanson Bridge now that the East Side Militants control it.  That leaves 10th Street as his only option, and he can’t get by without being attacked by at least one mutant cannibal a day.

Things just haven’t been the same since the world ended.

Bomo strong.  Bomo stop Mago.  Mago bad four-legged river snake.  He try to eat pretty girl in boat.  Bomo’s sharp tooth cut even Mago’s hide.

Who is this primitive jungle boy?  What are the secrets of his true origins?  Bomo knows, but Bomo not say.  Bomo like jungle.  Bomo like freedom.

In the land of Yoboshishi the sky is always turquoise blue, the kittens are always bubble gum pink, and the blood is always ruby red.

Hammi Hammi, kitten samurai, drops on her enemies in a blur of fluff and death.  Her fiercesome battle cry is the last sound her enemies will ever hear: “Me-ya!”

This adventure is called “One Night In Moscow.”

It’s the winter of 1968 and international super spy, Roger Wright (whose catchphrase is, “I’m never wrong”), stands perched on the ledge of the Khalibastardstan Embassy in Moscow holding the stolen plans of the warmongering General Hutzpah.

All Roger has to do is get those documents over to his Russian informant by midnight and the General’s military coup can be stopped.  But as Roger stands still as the stones he’s pressed against in the bitter cold night air, silently watching his enemies search in vain for the documents, he fails to notice one small piece of paper drift away into the darkness.  One small piece of paper with the kind of information on it that could start another world war — a war that could only end in total nuclear annihilation.

Though this particular situation wouldn’t make anyone’s top 10 prison breaks list, it was a daring escape from Honeycomb Penitentiary for the Warlblington Twins, two of the three members of the Hillside Hillbilly Trio–best known for their hit single, “Mama, Don’t You Swipe My Jug O’ Shine,” and for robbing banks .  Fiddlin’ Jack, the third member, was never imprisoned.  It’s rumored he’s hiding in plain sight as an assistant florist in the Licking Creek area.

Luck is integral to any good adventure.  The hero finds a gun by chance.  The detective stumbles upon a clue.  The guard just happens to look the opposite direction so the spy can pass by.

Luck was also the entry point for many of the adventures of my generation’s youth.  Luck in the form of a twelve-sided dice, to be precise.  The right roll could increase your barbarian’s magic blade melee attack +20, or get you eaten by a troll.  The tumble of the die literally made and unmade your world.

Above Randy and Roger Walthwaite play a classic round of Dungeons and Dragons.  They should be out trying their luck with the young ladies, but right now they need to see if a 17th level cyclops can be brought down by conjuring an energy storm via their 3rd level Elvin wizard.  Their fate lies in the roll of the dice!

]]> http://brentotey.wordpress.com/2012/01/16/1108/feed/ 0 brentotey brent_drawing114_dungeons_and_dragons http://brentotey.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/adventure-8/ http://brentotey.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/adventure-8/#comments Sat, 14 Jan 2012 18:51:33 +0000 Brent http://brentotey.wordpress.com/?p=1100 […]]]>

How cool would it be to discover some ancient treasure like King Tut’s Tomb or Machu Picchu?

Well, Burton Cliff, explorer extraordinaire, knows how cool it’d be.  Here he is either discovering a bronzed statue of a long forgotten god, a bejeweled idol to a dead king, or his own death at the business end of a sacrificial knife!

Ancient Europe was cool.  That’s all I have to say about that.

He chases bears.  He’ll break yo gun on a stump.  He’ll step on your foot (ouch!).  He finds babies in the weeds (awesome!).  He’s been straight up mauled by a cougar (“Get outta here, kitty cat. Beat it!”).  He eats horses.  He’ll sneak up on you like a ghost.  He eats dumplings made by racoons.  He’ll shoot your glassware.  He’ll shoot you in the head and put a stove on your foot (ouch!).  He is, quite possibly, the sole reason the internet was created.  He is the Guy on a Buffalo (ooh, oh, oh)!