Wearing a necktie is an critical part of manhood. Below is a quick guide to a few essential types:
- Retro Classic: A thin, dark necktie that’s best coupled with a glass of hard liquor and a serious lack of morality.
- Classy Class: A smart, short, tight bow tie that’s best worn in settings were large amounts of money are going to waste (such as political fundraisers or higher education).
- Big Papa: A loud, fat necktie filled with a designs that celebrate fishing, holidays, cartoon characters or obnoxious patterns and comes with it’s own battery pack. Improper for all occasions.
- Geek Chic: A skinny, flat-bottomed tie worn loosely around the neck (except during a kick-ass keytar solo where it is worn around the forehead).
- The Original: The only thing missing from the modern necktie is a tree branch to hang you from. Think about it.