Coolest Member of the Lean, Green, Ninja Team


Raphael has always been my favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Those sai are just too cool.

Ninja Bill Book

I’ve been working on turning one of the Ninja Bill stories into a children’s book for my little boys.  Hopefully it will be done by Christmas.  I’ll throw a few excerpts up here on the ol’ bloggy blog as I get them done.

Ninja Bill vs. Ugly Squirrel

Let’s say you were a squirrel, an ugly squirrel (a very ugly squirrel some might say), and you loved nuts (as all squirrels do, even the ugly ones) but you were allergic to them.

Would that ironic clash of desire and denial be enough to drive you mad? Would it be enough to drive you to a life of crime? Would it be enough to drive you to build a robot-shell body armed with dozens of guns just so you could gather up nuts and hold them close and smell them without breaking out in debilitating hives?

Such is the case of Ugly Squirrel.  But his crime isn’t his passion for poisonous pralines, it is his monstrous, murderous methods for gathering them.

And now its up to Ninja Bill to negate this naughty, nut-loving, nut-job of a nemesis!

Ninja Bill vs. CrowBear

Atop the highest mountain, inside the deepest cave lives Ninja Bill’s karate equal… CrowBear!

Both Ninja Bill and his former burly, behemoth, bear-buddy, CrowBear, were raised like brothers under the tutelage of Sensei Sensei who trained them in ancient martial arts of KickPunch, Socka-Alota, Chop-Chop, Kneetoface, Keeyah and Kung Wham, but a falling out over the best kind of waffles for breakfast caused CrowBear to join the side of evil.

Now the two meet again.  This time in a dark cave.  This time on CrowBear’s turf.  This time with an annoying crow involved.


Ninja Bill vs. Ernie “Spider Crab” Gonzales

Deep underneath the Atlantic Ocean lies Bubble City, home of the Walking Fish.  Their king, Imbadu, fiercely protects their kingdom from undersea invaders with the help of his fearless army and his trustworthy second lieutenant, Jeremy.

But one day, the Army of Walking Fish encounter a threat that can’t be defeated.  It’s a radioactive crab bandit from Cincinnati named Ernie “Spider Crab” Gonzales.

King Imbadu quickly realizes there is only one person that can save them, so he sends Jeremy to the surface world to find….

Ninja Bill!


Author’s Note: Too many zany elements for one story?  Yeah, that’s what happens when your plot points are made up by two grade school boys.  Kids have boundless imagination.  An army of Walking Fish? Sure, why not (“They have feet so they can walk, that’s why their called walking fish,” is the explanation I get.).  A Walking Fish named Jeremy?  Of course!  Cincinnati?  That’s a word they know, let’s throw that in too.  Awesome.

Ninja Bill vs. The Fun Size Gang

It’s Halloween, and that means Ninja Bill has to try to avoid receiving the nastiest trick of all — a bashing from Batuza, a zonking from Zomboy, a plunking from Lil’ Punkin, and a beating from BooGhost.

The Fun Size Gang is a group of tiny, notorious candy bandits who wreak havoc on Big City once a year.  Ninja Bill has yet to stop them from snatching his Snickers, wrecking his Reese’s, or mashing his M&Ms, but this year he has a trick to play on them.

On Halloween, anyone can be dressed up like Ninja Bill, and Ninja Bill can be dressed up like anyone.  So, is the Fun Size Gang attacking the right person?

Ninja Bill vs. DoorLock

Yeah, I know, being a door doesn’t sound like a very interesting power for a bad guy to have, but think about it:  Who would ever expect a door to be evil?  Isn’t the ability to look like a door a great way to sneak attack your number one enemy, Ninja Bill?

DoorLock thinks so.

So does my five year-old son, the inventor of DoorLock.  “He’s like a door, dad.  Except bad.”