Wondering who the #1 most talked about villain was at the San Diego Comic Con? Darth Vader? Nope. The Lizard from “The Amazing Spider-man”? Nuh-uh. Loki from “The Avengers”? Hardly. Everyone from “Game of Thrones”? Nay. It was the Fire Marshal – a malevolent and unseen being who imposed Nazi-like restrictions on any activity that looked like resting or relaxing.
“You can’t sit there,” an A-1, top-notch, unarmed security guard (i.e. volunteer) would say to you just as you lower your aching bones, twenty pound backpack and two bags full of comics (and cheap giveaways) to the ground.
“Why not?” you’d reply.
“Because of the… (da, da, dum) FIRE MARSHAL.”
I’m sure that sitting near a door, or leaning against a wall, or walking too slowly through a hallway has been known to cause buildings to spontaneously erupt in flames, but come on. If SDCC was a gathering of sports fanatics, or perhaps a convention organized to celebrate standing for long periods of time, then there would be no problem, but we’re just geeks geeking out on geeky stuff, man. Let us park it for a minute. Seriously.
Somewhere, illuminated by the back light of a controlled burn off the 8 Freeway, the Fire Marshal laughs to himself. “Next year,” he mutters, “attendees will not even be permitted to slow down. Four and a half days of walking! Perpetual walking! Mwwa-ha-ha-ha!”